Kinfolk
by mnemosyne23
Summary: No one messes with the Cobbs. RiverJayne.


**TITLE:** Kinfolk  
**AUTHOR:** Mnemosyne

**Disclaimer:** Not mine!  
**SUMMARY:** No one messes with the Cobbs. River/Jayne.  
**RATING:** PG-13  
**CHARACTERS:** River/Jayne (married), Ma Cobb, assorted Cobbs  
**SPOILERS:** None!  
**NOTES:**  
I absolutely love Ma Cobb. I know nothing about the woman, but I love her nonetheless. I mean, she gave us Jayne – do I need more reason? But even beyond that, I love the whole dynamic of Jayne and his mother. Don't take this story too seriously – it just is what it is, and I had tons of fun writing it. :D Enjoy!

* * *

It was a strange ensemble that filled the Cobb living room on that hot, dusty Thursday. First there was Jayne, and that was odd enough in itself since he hadn't been home in near fifteen years. Seeing him sitting in Pa Cobb's old weatherbeaten recliner felt strange and oddly prophetic, like he could shrug into the patriarchal role at will.

Sitting in a rocking chair across the smoke-stained coffee table was Ma Cobb, looking like someone had mixed everybody's favorite grandmother with a roughneck rodeo cowboy. She wore a sturdy homespun skirt and a thick blue shawl that River thought must feel stifling in the oppressive heat, though the woman wasn't even sweating. She had a hard, pinched mouth, and crow's feet at the corners of her eyes, but River recognized the difference between age lines borne of weariness and those borne of laughter, and these were definitely the latter. Her eyes were the same color and spacing as Jayne's and there was something of his mother in the mercenary's nose, but River decided the big man must have taken more after his father than this markedly thin, wiry woman.

Hemming them in on all sides were the rest of Jayne's immediate family; all brothers, except for little Mattie who slept peacefully in her grandmother's lap. River assumed their wives were elsewhere, scattered over a dozen different homesteads across the face of this backwater moon. Jayne had asked his Ma to call a family meeting, and he'd stressed the word "family." Blood kin only, at least for now; blood kin who understood how to listen without speaking.

River sat in the center of this ring of Cobbs, perched sideways on Jayne's lap with her cheek on his shoulder. His arms were looped around her waist, warm and comforting and familiar. She felt very small and out of place, a brown-haired, big-eyed slip of a girl surrounded by a dozen men with arms like Christmas hams and eyes like open sky. Each one had a different face, a different name, but they were all variations on the same Jayne theme. That was a comfort, at least; Jayne made her feel safe and loved. She thought she could do worse in life than marry into a family with so many Jaynes.

Ma Cobb was watching her, and that was unnerving. The Cobb matriarch had her son's eyes – cool, piercing blue – and she was using them to great effect, searching out River's secrets without speaking. River could sense Jayne's mother meant her no harm, but the woman was a lioness protecting her cubs and she wanted to make sure this new intruder was a friend, not a threat. River could understand that; she found herself doing it every time Serenity took a new job.

"So," Ma Cobb finally let out on a hefty exhale, shifting Mattie in her lap and rocking in her chair. The sleeping child gave a soft, syrupy cough before snuggling down and falling back asleep. "That's yer story."

River nodded silently. Jayne gave her a squeeze and she nestled closer.

"They really done that to ya?" one of the sons asked. She thought his name was Caleb. "Cut into yer brain and all?"

"She already done told you they did," Jayne snapped at the younger man. "Why you gotta ask dumb questions, Cale?"

"No fighting," Ma said sternly, and the room fell silent as she once again turned her attention back to River. "Hard to believe, young girl like you goin' through all that so early in life and comin' out all normal-like on the other side."

River gave the older woman a maizy smile. "Not normal," she murmured. Jayne kissed her temple and stroked her hair.

Ma nodded vaguely, still watching her. River decided she wasn't actually watching River herself, but rather was watching Jayne; seeing how her eldest son treated the damaged girl in his lap. River tucked her face into his throat and let the thrum of his pulse soothe her nervousness. Kaylee had told her that meeting her _zhang fu's_ family was going to be hard, because meeting family was always hard, but Kaylee had never had to meet new people and then tell them she was a psychic, Alliance-programed assassin. Then again, if Kaylee ever had to meet River and Simon's parents, she'd probably have just as hard a time telling them she was a mechanic from the Rim who worked on a smuggling ship crewed by Browncoats. The trauma of their gifted son marrying a girl like that would probably kill the elder Tams, moreso than finding out their genius daughter had been tortured by the Alliance.

"Hmm…" Ma rocked in her chair, idly stroking Mattie's hair. The little girl was thin and pale, with soft blond hair that must have come from her mother. River found herself wondering which of the men in the room was her father, then decided it didn't really matter; they were all family here.

"Well," Ma said after a minute, sitting forward and handing her sleeping granddaughter off to one of the son's. "That just ain't gonna do."

River felt the bottom drop out of her world. She raised her head to stare at Jayne through tear-flooded eyes. He'd been so sure his Ma would like her! He'd been so _sure!_

Rather than looking stricken, however, Jayne was grinning. "Thought so," he said, nodding to his Ma as if in thanks.

"Jayne?" River asked, voice trembling.

He turned his attention to her, and his smile immediately faded. "_Bao bei_, why you cryin'?" he asked, running a thumb under her eye to stroke away some stray tears.

"Your mother feels I will not do..." Her voice cracked and she couldn't say anymore.

"Oh, baby girl, that ain't it. That ain't it at all. You're a psychic, ain't ya? That really what you're feelin' right now? That they don't want you?"

River had been deliberately refraining from using her psychic abilities during this conference. She wanted to earn the trust of her husband's family, and that meant respecting their privacy. But at his urging she opened up her sluice gates a little to test the water's of his family's opinion.

A flood of anger and indignation poured into her brain, and she immediately slammed her walls back down, covering her hands with her ears as if to block out the noise. "Everyone is so _angry_!" she whimpered, curling up tighter.

"Yes we are, little girl," Ma Cobb said, and the gentleness in her voice was so completely at odds with the anger she was feeling that River had to raise her head and look at the woman to make sure she hadn't split into two people. Jayne's mother gave her a warm smile, crinkling her crow's feet into deeper furrows. "But we ain't mad at you, darlin'. We're mad at them _hun dans_ in the Alliance what laid a hand on ya. We don't hold for that kind of thing in the Cobb family, people takin' advantage of womenfolk. Do we, boys?"

"No, Ma!" came the obedient, righteous chorus.

"'Specially not when they're hardly more'n girls. Right, boys?"

"Right, Ma!"

"Jimmy? You there, boy?"

"Here, Ma."

"Get my carbine out the back cupboard, would ya?"

"Yes, Ma."

"That's my boy."

She looked back to River and Jayne and gave them a friendly smile. "It's all right girl," she assured River, all sweet motherly comfort. "You're gonna be just fine from now on. Nobody messes with the Cobb family. And now that you're married to m'boy there." She grinned. "Well, that makes you family."

River blinked. "I… am a Cobb?" she asked hesitantly, rubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand.

Ma Cobb nodded sharply. "Hell yes y'are, and we're damn proud to have you. Strong girls like you ain't easy to come by, and my boys need strong ones to keep 'em in line. That one 'specially." She gestured to Jayne, affection shining in her eyes. "Hardheaded as a gorram mule that one. But a good boy deep down, even if he don't write to his mama near enough."

River felt Jayne blushing. "Ma…," he groaned in complaint.

"Jayne Roosevelt Cobb, don't you argue with me. You know it's the truth. Hell, I didn't find out about you gettin' married to this pretty little thing till you waved me 'bout this visit day before yesterday; which, by the way, we are going to have a little talk about. A boy oughta tell his mama when he's getting' hitched, not six months after the fact. River, darlin', I hope you're plannin' on makin' my boy write home more'n three times a year."

River smiled through her tears; tears of happiness, now. Tears of acceptance. "I will make him write more frequently," she said with a watery, hopeful smile.

Ma grinned at her. The older woman was missing one front tooth, and it had been replaced with gold. "Well that's just fine then," she said.

"Hey, don't I got a say in this?" Jayne asked, a little miffed.

"No," River and Ma Cobb said in unison.

Jimmy chose that moment to return with Ma Cobb's careworn carbine. Jayne's mother took the rifle and patted it lovingly. "This here gun's been through a lot with me," she said, rubbing its wood stock. "Been through famine, been through flood, been through the year after the boys' daddy died and I had them idiots from over Clarksville way trying to drive us off this land. But I'll tell you one thing this gun's never seen, River girl."

She gave her newest daugher-in-law a warm yet predatory smile.

"This gun's never been to the Core," she said. "And I think it's 'bout time that changed."

---------------

Contrary to popular belief, the men known only as the Blue Hands _did_ need to eat. Admittedly, what they ate was generally bland as tofu and slightly less interesting to look at, but it was sustenance and that was all that was necessary to know.

Blue Hand #1 and Blue Hand #2 were partaking of their second meal of the day when the door to the otherwise empty Academy dining room was thrown open with a crash. Shock and alarm were unknown emotions to a Blue Hand, and so they raised their heads with only calm disinterest to watch as a hoard of muscular men poured through the open door, silhouetted against the bright light from the corridor beyond. A little old woman brought up the rear. She walked with stern, heavy steps and was wearing a heavy blue shawl and a sturdy homespun skirt with hobnail boots. A hat that was thirty years out of fashion was perched on her head at a jaunty angle, with a few crushed peacock feathers fighting gravity to stay aloft. She came to a stop when she caught sight of the Blue Hands, and pointed an accusatory finger in their direction.

"Get 'em!" she commanded.

Immediately, the Blue Hands found themselves ripped out of their chairs by a bevy of grim-faced Cobbs and dragged before the old woman, who was settling down in one of the dining room's many chairs. Strong hands on their narrow shoulders forced them to kneel, and Ma Cobb regarded them with marked disinterest.

"Now, you boys probably don't know me, and that's a shame," she began, leaning forward in the chair and planting one elbow on her knee so she could be eye level with her subjects. "Cause if you did you'd already know not to mess with me. But since you don't know me and you ain't learned that lesson yet... Tucker?"

"Here, Ma."

"Gimme that pretty little pistol you got me for Christmas two years back, will ya?"

"Here you go, Ma."

"Such a good boy. Gimme a kiss."

"Maaaa..."

"Hush now. Mama's busy."

She turned back to the Blue Hands, and without ceremony pressed the barrel of the pistol to the forehead of the one on the left.

She smiled dangerously.

"Now see, you're lucky," she said with grim humor. "You get out of this quick."

**BANG!**

Blue Hand #1 slumped to the floor, a crumpled body leaking ruby red blood.

Ma Cobb moved the pistol to the forehead of Blue Hand #2.

"Now, I been told you all are some kind of boogeymen with fancy schmancy boogeyman toys," she said, sounding bored. "Well that's as may be, but you all bleed red like everybody else, which means you die like everybody else. And everyone who dies is just another selfish bastard who wants to live. Get me? That means I know you want to live, deep down inside that ratty heart of yours. So I'm gonna give you a choice. Here it is."

She sat back in the chair, using the remaining Blue Hand's knees as a footstool while she kept the pistol trained between his eyes.

"I hear you've been causing all kinds of trouble for River Tam. Pretty girl; good teeth. Don't get that a lot in my neck of the 'verse, so it's nice to see a girl what's got her dental hy-giene in order.

"This girl -- sweet thing; kind of skinny; needs more meat and potatoes. Anyway, this girl's married one of my boys. I ain't gonna tell you which one, 'cause that's a family secret; kinda like my meatloaf recipe. But since this girl's gone and married my boy, that makes her my daughter. You get where I'm goin' with this? Bobby, tell the worm where your mama's goin' with this."

"River's our kin!"

"Damn right. And kin don't let kin get taken by no shithole Alliance _hun dans_ who wanna cut on her like she's a Thanksgiving turkey. Get me? We protect our own. And soon as River took my boy's name, she became our own. She became MY own." She cocked the hammer of the pistol. "_Dong ma?_ Just nod if you understand."

The Blue Hand gave a small nod, as his brain began making a methodical inventory of available escape routes.

"Good," the old woman said with a sharp nod. "Means you're smarter than you look, though that ain't sayin' much. I seen dog crap on the sole of my boot that looks smarter'n you.

"So here's the plan," she contined. "You get on the horn and tell all your dumbass Alliance buddies to leave River Tam alone. You tell 'em if they try and come after her, or her brother, or anyone she's ever done been in contact with, they're gonna have to deal with me and my boys. You tell 'em that's a heap o' trouble they don't want no part of. You tell 'em if they know what's good for 'em, they'll shred up her records and tuck the pieces away in the circular file. _Dong ma?_ And you tell 'em I mean it." She jerked her head towards a nearby Cortex terminal, glowing blue in a corner of the dining room. "Go on. You tell 'em."

The Blue Hand stood slowly. Ma Cobb kept her pistol aimed at him the entire time, a grim smile on her face. For a minute, it became a stare contest, as each tried to gauge the strengths and weaknesses of the other. The Blue Hand found, to his confusion, that he was having difficulty judging this strange old woman with the flock of muscular sons. He'd never encountered this situation before, and he found it... unnerving.

Blue Hand #2 had never been unnerved.

When in a logistically untenable position, the best course of action is parley, or in absence of that, strategic retreat. The Blue Hand could tell without asking that parley was not, and had never been, an option. The old woman's only given option was unconditional surrender.

Blue Hand #2 had never surrendered.

With barely a flicker of an eye, he turned on his heel and began to run, snaking through the assorted Cobbs like oil over water. The entrance to the dining room was barely ten meters away. A simple mathematical process of evasive action was all that would be necessary to esca-

**BANG!**

He went down like a sack of potatoes, robbed of all reptilian grace, a bullet through the back of his head.

Ma Cobb stood up, handing her gun back to one of her sons and dusting off her hands. "Gorrammit, ain't a one of these things gonna take the damn deal? Didn't even get to use the carbine neither. Lenny, you're the one's good with numbers. How many's that now?"

"Fourteen, Ma."

"All right then. Come on, boys. Let's make it twenty then break for lunch. I madet chicken salad."

**THE END**


End file.
